Talking about Money

Ten Tips to Talk about Money with Ease

Talking about money is a challenge for all couples. Here are tips to support you and your partner in being honest, loving and productive in these necessary and intimacy building conversations.

Set aside a specific time to talk. Choose a time that’s on a weekend or mutual day off when you will both have time, energy and space to focus on the issue and one another. Send the kids to spend time with a friend or relative.
Choose a place that brings peace and perspective to your conversation such as the porch, a relaxing café, a park or a bench near a vista or body of water.
These conversations are an opportunity to become clear on your hopes, dreams, needs, habits and philosophical views about money. A few questions you may want to ask yourself and your partner: Are you a spender or saver? Does money mean safety and stability or fun and adventure to you? How did your family use money? How can you both get your needs met by doing some of both? How can you indulge with limits? Save with flexibility?
All couples have some differences in their hopes, dreams, needs, fears, habits and philosophical views about money. Difference does not mean incompatibility. Honor your differences with creativity and compassion.
Choose a specific topic and achievable goal for the conversation such as ‘our budget for our vacation this summer,’ ‘how much we will contribute to our joint account each month,’ or ‘our saving goals for the upcoming year.’ The specific topic can also be simply to share: your hopes, dreams, needs, habits and philosophical views about money. Take a question or two from #3 above, and share from your heart.
Set a timer and take breaks to eat, drink, stretch, breathe.
Keep moving. Put aside issues or details if you cannot come up with a solution and move on to the next topic. Creativity comes with relaxation and space. You can come back after a break when you’re feeling refreshed.
Notice if you become agitated and call a break. Signs can include tightening in the heart or stomach, heat in the body, racing energy, or feelings of anger, irritation or frustration.
Seek support if certain conversations are too challenging. A trained mediator or couples therapist can make conversations about money strengthen, rather than stress, your relationship.
Celebrate the accomplishments in your conversation by rewarding yourselves. Appreciate each other by enjoying a treat together or doing something relaxing like watching a movie or going on a walk.

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