Frequently Asked Questions
Why a Prenup?
With a prenup, you and your partner get to write your own rules about how to live your financial lives together. If you marry without a prenup, your State's default rules will apply to your relationship ... whether you're aware of them or not. Essentially, you are signing a prenup either way: the difference is whether you design it yourself, or go with the cookie-cutter version.
Why Prenups with Heart?
In our family law and couple therapy practices, we often see couples who have unnecessary tension in their relationship. Differences in financial needs, styles, and backgrounds can lead to divorce. Yet - is our firm belief that these financial differences don't need to cause such hardship. And they certainly don't need to cause a breakup -- so long as you acknowledge, understand and talk about your financial styles.
We know how essential being able to talk honestly and lovingly about money is to the happiness and longevity of your relationship. We want to share what we've learned from working with hundreds of couples. We want your relationship to be happy and strong.
This quick quiz is a great way to start that conversation!
What’s the Cost of Avoiding the Money Conversation?
Most of us have been taught and told that it is taboo to talk about money. Yet, paradoxically, being able to navigate these conversations skillfully is one of the cornerstones of a healthy relationship. Too often we have seen how avoiding talking about money is one of the biggest causes of painful relationships and unnecessary breakups.
At Prenups with Heart, we believe the prenup process is an incredible opportunity to practice communication skills, build trust, and create deeper intimacy for life. Let us show you how!
Do we need to have the same financial backgrounds and habits to have a good relationship?
Differences are not the problem. As soon as you have two people together, there will be differences (in needs, background, spending and saving habits, hopes, fears, dreams ... you name it). What's critical is being able to heartfully talk about stressful differences and together come up with solutions. This skill will serve you well not just in the prenup process, but for all years to come.
What is the most common reason why prenups costs can be unnecessarily high - and how do I prevent that from happening to us?
Prenups are an investment, there is no way around that. Prenpus often cost about $5k-$10k in fees. With a prenup, you are in effect creating your own legislation that alters the cookie cutter marriage license law, and you are creating a pathway for your financial life together. You can significantly impact the cost and increase your satisfaction with the final prenup with thoughtful preparation.
The most common reason why prenup costs are often unnecessarily high is that the first draft of the prenup was written before full clarity on goals was reached. You want to make sure that you and your partner have conversations about your needs before anyone puts pen to paper. There will always be some edits. But you can significantly reduce the edits by front-loading the conversations, and gaining clarity on your needs before the first draft is ever written.
Hence our course, which offers information and guidance -- so you can be well prepared both before and during the prenup process.
What's at the core of our course? We believe with all our hearts that prenups are an opportunity for creating greater intimacy and building foundation for a strong, loving relationship. How can you use the prenup process to strengthen love? We'll show you skills and practices that you can take home with you to use again and again on your path together. More info about our course.
Is the course a substitute for using attorneys to prepare a prenup?
No. You will need attorneys to help you prepare and/or review your prenup. What we give you is lots of legal information, so that when you meet with your attorney, you can dive right in and focus efficiently on your unique prenup. We'll also give you tips on how to best prepare before you meet with attorneys, so you make efficient use of your time with your attorney. We have seen clients spend unnecessary billable time, and we want to help prevent that. And most importantly, we want you both to have the tools to talk about money with ease - because we believe that is one of the cornerstones of a strong and joyful relationship.
What if I don't live in California, can I still make use of this Course? Much of family law is state specific, so for your State's default prenup, you'll want to see an attorney in your State. And - our Prenups with Heart Course offers lots in addition to an overview of the California State Default Prenup.
When is the ideal time to start the prenup process?
We recommend that you begin your prenup process at least 4 months before your wedding – and even earlier is super. Giving yourselves time is one of the easiest ways to save money and headaches, and make sure the prenup meets your needs.
We're not sure if we want a prenup. Is this online course for us?
Yes. If you are thinking of doing a prenup or postnup, but aren't sure if you want one or not, then this workshop will give you the information to help you make that decision. We strongly recommend you see an attorney before deciding not to do a prenup or postnup, to make sure that’s the right decision for you and also how you’ll want to work with your finances during marriage. And – our course will give you information that will make that meeting more productive and focused.
We're already married or registered as domestic partners. Is this course relevant for us?
Yes. If you're already married or registered as domestic partners, it’s possible to write a postnup similar to a prenup. The tools taught in our course apply equally to prenups and postnups.
There are some significant differences between prenups and postnups. If you are not yet married or registered as domestic partners and trying to decide between the two, we encourage you to ask an attorney before making that decision.
Who are Philipe and Dylan?
Dylan Miles, Ph.D., Esq., is a family lawyer and mediator who has worked with hundreds of couples at the beginning and ending of relationships, and so has seen what works, and what doesn't. He is passionate about sharing his experience and knowledge so you can enjoy more closeness and peace together. For more information about Dylan’s practice visit www.milesfamilylaw.com
Philipe Harrington, MA, MFT is a psychotherapist who works with couples to improve communication, tackle core intimacy issues and navigate financial differences. For more information about Philipe’s practice visit www.tigerseyehealingarts.com
What we both see over and over is that that money can make or break a relationship. We are committed to supporting couples to build strong, lasting, and loving relationships.
"Even though I was totally resistant ... I was immediately put at ease. Using art, common sense, creative exercises, fun and therapeutic work, along with all the practical stuff, they delivered a powerful combination of transformative and delightful activity. I felt less alone in these challenges and walked away with a lot of hope and peace."
"Attending this workshop with your Sweetie could be the best wedding gift you give to each other and will allow you to start from a strong and loving place."
Philipe and Dylan are a great team bringing a tremendous amount of heart-full insight into how to make the less sexy aspects of marriage into opportunities for clarity and connection.
Dylan is an incredible resource, and he is that rarest of combinations: professional, yet very personal; efficient, but full of heart.